5 levels of hangovers

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10 years 9 months ago #1 by rattlehead
Five Levels of Hangovers

One Star Hangover (*) )

No pain. No real feeling of illness. You’re able to function
relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5
cokes and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a
steak & fries.

Two Star Hangover (*) ) (*) )

No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but
you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are
chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still
tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House
excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your
bowels.

Three Star Hangover (*) ) (*) ) (*) )

Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not
productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume
reminds you of the flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends
dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were home,
in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You’ve had 4 cups of coffee, a
gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke–yet you haven’t peed
once.

Four Star Hangover (*) ) (*) ) (*) ) (*) )

Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can’t speak too quickly or
else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being
late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice
clothes, but that can’t hide the fact that you only shaved one side
of your face. For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on
while riding the bumper cars. Your eyes look like one big red vein,
and even your hair hurts. Your ass is in perpetual spasm, and
the first of about five ****s you take during the day brings water
to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.

Five Star Hangover (*) ) (*) ) (*) ) (*) ) (*) )

You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate spit so your tongue is suffocating you. You don’t have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to take a dump results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare ‘Floater’ thrown in. The sole purpose of this ‘Floater’ seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your ass. Death sounds pretty good about right now…

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  • Anonymous
10 years 8 months ago #2 by Anonymous
Replied by Anonymous on topic 5 levels of hangovers
oh and add to the 5 star hangover, that somehow you are still drunk from the previous night. Cure for hangover is basically eat before you go to bed. If you cant do that, try and do what I do. Get some like kool-aid ready to pour packets. Take a liter bottle of anything you got, and dump it. Pour 2 kool-aid instant ready packets in there, and put ice cold water and shake it up, and drink it really fast. Repeat this process again. For extreme hangovers repeat this process a 3rd time, until you feel so full of liquid your about to vomit. Lay down....15 minutes later no hangover.

Of course the ULTIMATE NO QUESTION HANGOVER CURE is when you wake up have another drink, instant hangover relief.

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