The Chuck Norris Thread :D

chuck norris's tears can cure cancer...to bad he never cries.

chuck norris is suing NBC claiming law&order are trademarked name for his left and right leg

chuck norris has already been to mars...that's why there is no sign of life there

some people wear super man pajamas.....superman wears chuck norris pajamas

Chuck norris was gonna star on the show 24 but the media wouldn't let him because he killed all the terrorists in 10 mintues

Chuck norris won a connect four game.....in 3 turns

If i had 3$ and chuck had 3$ chuck would have more.

when chuck took a test he answered every problem with the word "violence" and got a A+ because chuck solves all his problems with violence

chuck once strangled a man to death with a cordless phone

There is no control button on chucks computer cause chuck is always in control

Chuck can kill 2 stones with one bird

There is no theory of evolution just a list of animals chuck allows to live

chuck norris is the reason waldo is hiding

Chuck Norris Always donates blood to the blood bank,but never his own

Chuck Norris's fist was supposed to be a melee weapon for Call of Duty, but it was too strong to be put in the game
on the 7th day, chuck norris took over while god took a break.

every night the boogeyman checks under his bed for chuck norris.

chuck Norris doesn't read, he just stares down at the book until it gives him the info that he needs.

There was no Big Bang, just Chuck Norris getting kicked by Bruce Lee.

Chuck norris once shot down an enemy plane by pointing his finger at it.

It takes an atomic bomb to even leave a bruise on chuck norris, but it takes only Bruce Lee to injure or kill him.

Chuck norris is so strong, every time Bruce Lee kills him, he resurrects himself.

Poisonous gas was created from chuck Norris's farts.

lightning and thunder are caused by chuck norris sneezing.

under chucks beard is not a chin....but another fist



In his youth, Chuck Norris distributed the newspaper. There is no survivor.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axles, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

Chuck Norris once showed up at Google and demanded that they rename their search engine "Chuck Norris." When they refused, Chuck kicked Google in the face, transforming it's bruise into Google Dark.

Chuck Norris affects the price of stock quotes and land values. Wherever he is, prices drop due to the danger of a sudden catastrophe. He bought his own home for 30 cents and one roundhouse kick.

Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norrised.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

chuck norris has 2 right legs

chuck norris can lead a horse too water AND make him drink it

In the X-Men movies, none of the X-Men super-powers are done with special effects. Chuck Norris is the stuntman for every character.

Chuck Norris speaks in all caps.

Chuck Norris is currently suing myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

Chuck Norris is a stunt double for Optimus Prime.

There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up

Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

Chuck Norris IS RIGHT BEHIND YOU.

The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron’s *** halfway through the first chapter

The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron’s *** halfway through the first chapter

Chuck Norris enjoys a good practical joke. His favorite is where he removes your lower intestine and pretends to make a balloon animal out of it. Then he cracks your skull open with a Volvo for not complimenting him on his balloon animal.

Chuck Norris can be unlocked on the hardest level of Tekken. But only Chuck Norris is skilled enough to unlock himself. Then he roundhouse kicks the Playstation back to Japan.

Chuck Norris jokes never get old lol

LithiumBaby wrote: Chuck Norris jokes never get old lol

I agree!!! :thumbup: Need some more.

Today I had a load of dirt frozen in the back of the dump truck. As hard as I try, I could not get it to come out. I ended up having to call up Chuck Norris to help. He came to the site and round house kicked the truck. As the ground around the truck stopped trembling and the dust settled, I noticed that the dirt did come out of the truck. And that the truck was now in several hundred pieces.